As I sit here and bid farewell to a year gone by so fast, I reminisce on all the fortunate opportunities I got in my career, on my two beautiful babies that my sister had, on my mother’s loving embrace, her tearful eyes, on reconciliatory moments with my father, on usual fights and making up with my sister – a relationship that is slowly but surely improving, on the lovely mother and woman my other sister is becoming, on my favorite aunt healing from a bad spout of depression, on new friendships formed that are surprisingly nourishing, on old friendships that died years ago and came to an end, to a growing love for my angel, on the loss of a dear friend in a tragic accident…and I re-realize how MUCH life changes and how rapidly it changes.
It makes me anxious for I am uncomfortable with change. But I guess it is something I best get used to sooner rather than later.
2011 makes me anxious too, for it is a year when I will (God-willing of course) direct my first feature. What a tremendous opportunity. One that I have been working ever to hard to make a reality. Yet, all the doubt and all the pressure and all the expectations come flooding onto my shoulders as I try and push them away with this nurtured sense of self- confidence and faith. I suspect this battle of push and pull will continue through 2011 and so I ask for my nearest and dearest to understand that and pardon me of erratic behavior and just be there for me. I promise I will try and overcome and rise beyond this experience but it is something I terribly need you all for.
I need you by my side.
I hope for a 2011 that is full of:
a loving partner
best of friends with friendships growing faster
a brilliant film
support overpowering all the negative forces and feelings and energy
more time with my niece and nephews
fun and travel
a livelihood just good enough to pay my bills. More is always great but not at the cost of ANYthing up on this list.
no more loss of friends and family for I need a break on that front. Really. Too fragile to handle more loss just yet.
Peace and Patience.