I love it how people talk in taboos in this society. All hidden and covered. They won’t admit the prejudices but they are there, thick and solid in this society. “Oh, she came home at 10pm? Was she alone? Oh ok, her brother dropped her.” “Oh, it must be a love marriage, they were both studying in Manchester.” “Oh,so you have finished your masters?” aka now we can shop you around for marriage?!
DISCLAIMER: Most of these don’t apply to the shielded “goldfish bowl” upper class in Pakistan.
– Brides are told not to laugh too much on their wedding day. They should be scared, freaked out…of what? Of their deflowering, their wedding night. Aka, think a bit more and what they really mean is, if she is so at ease, then she has probably slept with her man or even worse, another man before because the only thought in her mind on her lovely wedding day should be the fear and pain of a first time penetration that is about to happen.
I know people myself where the in-laws have asked the girls not to laugh at their own wedding!
– Fair equals beautiful..these adjectives are sometimes interchanged. Even lyrics of songs etc will interchange a beautiful girl with “gori” or “oh fair one”. So no matter how hot Naomi Campbell or Bipasha Basu are, my parents’ generation and for that matter, some boys in my own generation do not see the attraction at all. Soooooo irritating, cuz that means, no matter how good someone else thinks I look, NO ONE in Pakistan will compliment me..if I look good, they will try to figure out why I am lookng good because I am obviously not pretty since I am not fair! I am not fishing for compliments here..just telling you how it is.
– Compliments..people don’t compliment you even if you look dazzling. Or if they do, it is a return compliment or a seeking compliment.
– If you wear a hijab, you are pious. If you wear jeans, you are a slut. If you wear a tight-fitted oozing shalwar kameez, it is all right. If you wear a loose fitted top covering your ass on jeans, ummm..can you please change?
– Kids aren’t allowed to mix with the opposite sexes all their lives, guys are never at home so won’t go with their families to meet other families, only girls accompany their parents..even if there is a party, the men and women usually sit segregated or slowly segregate on their own…now all of a sudden, when they are to get married..what to do? And hence, now start the arranged marriage rounds…the boys are forced to see the girls and the girls are made to follow their moms around everywhere so that they are “marketed”. They are asked to work on their complexion and weight..the two important keys to a man’s heart in Pakistan..and obviously cooking as well….cuz the world over, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
– Even in this day and age, the middle class, and I am sure the lower class, can marry by just looking at pictures. I know people who are doing this. The girl and guy have never met, nor talked. They are just fully satisfied because obviously, their parents can’t think bad for them.
– Certain people don’t let the couple mingle too much after their engagement because that is condoning a cause for intimacy…hence, a couplemight cause more barriers if they announce their relationship because once it is public..they cannot really meet each other in private unless a third person is there. Basically, parents are scared that they will consider it fine to sleep with each other since they are about to be married so the guarding process after an engagement is even tighter and stricter.
– It is funny how most of these points are pointing towards sex..the biggest taboo in Pakistani society. Women cover their pregnant stomachs from shame…cuz that is a certificate that they have done it! How ironic, because in the West, people sell T-Shirts pointing to the belly..they are proud and not ashamed.
– If it is a love marriage God forbid, it is horrid…to the extent that mothers will hide it, “Oh yes, they were in the same school…BUT he was two years senior to her.” Translation: They never met, hence they never dated, hence my daughter has not been in “Love”. Hence, there was absolutely no chance of intimacy with a boy…She is pure…QED
– A girl or boy is 28 or older and does not care about marriage. Obviously they have had sex or they have been involved with someone or else they are not normal that they have no urge…I can see some logic in that.
– Mothers proudly talk about their sons going out and being obnoxious, out of the house all day. “He can’t focus on his studies because he is so distracted with what is going on outside.” Have you ever thought why mostly girls top all external exams in Pakistan..well cuz they have no life. All they are encouraged to do is sit and study and learn some home economics…whilst boys party and have a normal social life. Uggggggggggggh.
– We celebrate eunuchs and cross-dressers dancing and we laugh at their gay jokes. We even call them home for dancing on weddings or praying for a new born. But who on earth can be gay in Pakistan? It is just not natural…people in other countries are dirty and filthy and sex maniacs. Being gay is not natural…
– Men wear underwears in weight lifting championships on national TV and boys wear short shorts in public…noone says crap whereas in Islam, a man is not to show from his waist to his knees at all times. But no one will EVER comment on that…a woman should bloody wear a bedsheet all the time…they are beheaded in some parts of the country for being “obscene”. People take the law in their hands when it comes to women…
– If a son comes home from work, the mother makes tea for him, treats him like a God. If a daughter comes home from work, she is to make tea for her brother and then food for the rest of the family. It is her duty…no matter that she is also winning bread for the family. Noone bloody rethinks this twice!
I am not a feminist…or maybe I have to sound like one because the balance is tipped so much in favour of the male gender in this society. It is disgusting. And mind you, I have never suffered from penis-envy, which a lot of girls do, in this society …”I wish I was a man, life would be so good”…would never want to be a man…
Being a woman is so beautiful…I agree, not in Pakistan, though.